Parenting. It’s broken stuckness. Broken stubbornness. Broken immaturity. Broken hate. Broken fear. Broken resistance. Broken self-centered desires. Broken self-protection. Broken laziness. Broken unbelief. Broken blame. Broken passivity. Broken lies that say: I’m powerless. Broken lies that say: I’m the only one that can be powerful in a relationship. Broken ties to the ideas: I only want to do something I enjoy doing, and I’ll only enjoy doing something I have the strength or capacity to do. Broken the belief that I can intimidate someone into doing what I want. Broken my body. Broken ideals. Broken familiarity. Broken convenience. Broken casualness. Broken the ease of low responsibility. Broken limited vision. Broken self-focus that exists in a life without dependents. Broken my determination. Broken pride that says, “I have better things to do or invest my time in, than this”, and “I know how to do this, and even if I don’t know how to do this, I’ll figure it out”.

“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4, NKJV). Parenting has produced in me perseverance and character. You may read this and feel uncomfortable, from the honesty, boldness, or conviction. You may immediately reject these words, judging the listed effects as negative, destructive, or undesirable. You may think “that lifestyle is not for me”, or vow “I’ll never do it like her”. And that’s okay. Or you may relate in a very significant way to my account. What I’m aware of is this: the breaking has accelerated me into maturity, truth, health, and destiny more than any other tool. So, I share. Unashamedly and wholly convinced. And I champion others in their truthful sharing without requiring optimism, minimizing, or cropping so the sharer and hearer may reap the full benefit of honesty. If I had not been honest along the way with God, myself, and others, I simply would not have progressed. Some people believe that honesty implies negativity, and that they lack the skills or capacity to confront negativity and see it through into better. So they control their interactions with others not allowing dialogue to continue when honesty begins. But actually they prematurely disrupt people’s expression, rejecting the opportunity for real relationship or sincere confession, whether it would have included negativity or not. Honesty does not equal negativity. And if the honesty does include negativity, it being brought into the light (said out loud) can actually make space for it to encounter the very thing it needs in order to be transformed. Choose courage.

I keep before me the fact that I can only coach people in their whole health (spirit, soul, body) if I’m constantly pursuing growth in my own. I don’t have to search for any better way to grow than to submit to the purposed tests and trials that God has ordained for my good and refining. Another way I could say this is to experience growth by continuing to do the work God has asked me to do, no matter what it requires. Often, I’ve heard “parenting is the hardest but most rewarding thing I’ve ever done”.  As a young mom, I plan to share details to personalize such a statement, though I’m not yet basking in the rewards. Why do this? Because much of the hardship and its purpose is misunderstood.

For the few years before and after having my first child I witnessed people gloating in their works of having “two (children) under two (years old)”, “three under four”, and so on. I also saw others praise them for their accomplishment with respect and admiration. As I type this I shudder at this sort of thinking, interaction, and social norm. As a new wife and young mom, I too wanted to be celebrated and acknowledged amidst the vulnerability I felt. Pride tried to seduce me then with “accomplish ________ , and you’ll obtain the ________ you desire from others”. Composing this now, sobered by the cost of the accomplishment of “3 under 3”, I find I have no room to brag. Me and my husband didn’t plan to birth three babies, in three consecutive years. It wasn’t the result of ambition; it wasn’t a goal of ours. It is how God orchestrated our lives and theirs.

I’ve carried burdens that weren’t for me. I’ve carried burdens the wrong way for the wrong duration. I’ve overworked my mind and my muscles; my soul and body health have suffered. I’ve dropped my shield of faith staring at mountains of trials. I’ve yelled in the tests. The need to consider the spirit, soul, and body and invest in whole health was emerging everywhere I looked, and the consequence of neglect in my life and others was expensive. I am still standing because of the grace of God and a handful of exceptional individuals who embrace me in my weakness and tell me how strong I am, let me offload my burdens into their loving hands, and help me reduce stressors and solve problems. I am still loving because I’m fastened to a desperation that keeps me dependent on God and guards my heart from pride, bitterness, and unbelief.

“I don’t know how to do this.”

Every single day I consider how to nurture my, and each of my children’s whole health. I include myself in the consideration because if my health suffers my parenting suffers, then my children suffer. Many days it feels like nurturing both adequately is impossible. Though this has caused much consternation, I’ve made a discovery. Consternation is a disservice to all. A better deposit into their health and mine is acknowledging that today it is impossible to adequately nurture every individual’s whole health in my household as I desire to. Once accepting that I can begin giving away what I do have to give, to whoever I can, with joy and peace present.

“And yet, I know a lot.”

Let me clarify. My response to the demands of parenting was to become a relentless pupil of children’s needs, the unique destinies of my three children, child developmental ideas at large, and God’s will, way, and voice over the members of our household. I’ve learned a lot because my children’s lives invited me to. Even though I know a lot and have overcome much, there’s plenty I lack that I ask God to provide for me every day. I want to use every tool, every muscle, every lesson, and every scar to live better. But this can only happen if I believe the process is worth it and can be used for good. Your process is invaluable and needs your celebration to advance. I admire those who have mastered existing amidst the ands: overcoming and struggling, not knowing and knowing.

For parents or those interested in reading about nurturing your whole health in practical ways, read on.